Searching for You Read online

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Books by Jody Hedlund

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Contents

  Epigraph

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Author’s Note

  About the Author

  Back Ads

  Back Cover

  List of Pages

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  Books by Jody Hedlund

  The Preacher’s Bride

  The Doctor’s Lady

  Unending Devotion

  A Noble Groom

  Rebellious Heart

  Captured by Love

  BEACONS OF HOPE

  Out of the Storm: A BEACONS OF HOPE Novella

  Love Unexpected

  Hearts Made Whole

  Undaunted Hope

  ORPHAN TRAIN

  An Awakened Heart: An ORPHAN TRAIN Novella

  With You Always

  Together Forever

  Searching for You

  © 2018 by Jody Hedlund

  Published by Bethany House Publishers

  11400 Hampshire Avenue South

  Bloomington, Minnesota 55438

  www.bethanyhouse.com

  Bethany House Publishers is a division of

  Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan

  www.bakerpublishinggroup.com

  Ebook edition created 2018

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

  ISBN 978-1-4934-1610-3

  Scripture quotations are from the King James Version of the Bible.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, incidents, and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Cover design by Jennifer Parker

  Cover photography by Mike Habermann Photography, LLC

  Author is represented by Natasha Kern Literary Agency, Inc.

  Contents

  Cover

  Books by Jody Hedlund

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Epigraph

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  20

  21

  22

  23

  24

  25

  26

  27

  Author’s Note

  About the Author

  Back Ads

  Back Cover

  And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

  Jeremiah 29:13

  Chapter 1

  NEW YORK CITY

  SEPTEMBER 1859

  Sophie Neumann nuzzled her nose against Danny’s chest.

  His arms tightened around her possessively. “You’re my girl now. A Bowery Girl.”

  Bowery Girl. The coveted name should have sent shivers of delight through Sophie. Instead, the mention of it made her tremble with trepidation.

  Danny lowered his head and pressed his mouth against her neck. His lips were slick and hot, especially in the September heat and humidity that lingered in the city air even though it was well past midnight. The dampness brought out the heavy scent of beer on his breath, as well as the acridness of bear grease in the pomade he used to slick back his hair.

  She arched her neck to avoid the odor, telling herself she was only giving him more access. At the same time, she squeezed her eyes closed and tried to conjure pleasure at his touch. She’d enjoyed Danny’s kisses and his caresses on previous nights. Tonight would be no different. She just needed to be patient and the affection would follow.

  After all, he was Danny Sullivan, the head of the Dry Bones and one of the leaders of the Bowery Boys. He wore the usual gang attire—a long black frock, red shirt, dark trousers, polished boots, and a stovepipe hat. And he styled his hair similar to the other Bowery Boys, cut short in the back with ringlets of hair pasted down over his ears.

  Although his clothing and hair blended in with the other gang members, he was easily the handsomest and strongest one in the Bowery neighborhood. She still marveled that of all the women who vied for Danny’s attention, he’d decided he wanted her. He’d fought against two other Bowery Boys in bare-knuckle fistfights in order to claim her.

  Of course, she hadn’t really been interested in the other men. In fact, she hadn’t been interested in getting involved with anyone—she never had. For the past two years, she’d always been on the move, running away from one asylum to the next, never having the time to invest in relationships other than taking care of Olivia and Nicholas.

  But all that had changed a month ago when one of the mistresses at the Juvenile Asylum had informed Anna that she was too old to stay there any longer. Anna had been Sophie’s only friend at the asylum. As Anna had packed her ragged bag of belongings, she’d pleaded with Sophie to leave too, assuring her that her sister Mollie would let them stay with her. After having a baby, Mollie had moved from the brothel where she’d been living and now had an apartment.

  “We’re old enough to get jobs,” Anna had said. “We can be domestics in one of those fancy rich houses on Fifth Avenue.”

  “But we don’t have any experience,” Sophie argued.

  “Then we can work in a factory or a sewing shop.”

  Sophie remembered all too vividly the sewing sweatshop her mother and sisters had worked in, one of many located in the crowded tenements on the East Side. Although Sophie hadn’t been old enough to work alongside her family, she still recalled her mother and sisters coming home after twelve-hour workdays hot and exhausted, their fingers blue from the dye that colored the precut material they’d sewn to form men’s vests.

  In all those months, Sophie had never learned how to sew, not even a button. Besides, even if she and Anna found work as seamstresses, the pay was abysmally low. How would they be able to afford to live on it even if they stayed with Anna’s sister? More specifically, how would she be able to clothe, feed, and take care of Olivia and Nicholas?

  In spite of her reservations, Sophie had agreed to take up residence with Anna’s sister in a tiny tenement on Mulberry Bend. The two rooms they shared with Mollie, three other women, and their children weren’t nearly big enough for all of them. Still, the place was safe.

  Now that she was Danny Sullivan’s Bowery Girl, he would take care of her and wouldn’t let any harm come to her.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered huskily.

  With her long blond hair and bright blue eyes, she’d always drawn attention from boys. But in the past she’d been petite and thin, able to pass for a much younger child. Over the previous six months, she’d grown and filled out so that she’d had a much harder time deceiving the orphanage workers into believing she was ten or twelve years old.

  At the Juvenile Asylum, she’d told the staff she was fifteen, even though she was drawing nigh to eighteen. They’d believed her, yet she knew her days of being able to stay with Olivia and Nicholas in the asylums was fast coming to an end, that soon enough the workers would get wise to her lies about her age and they’d force her out just as they had Anna. That knowledge was another reason she’d decided to live with Anna and her sister.

  Danny’s lips traced a path to her collarbone, and his hand on her back crept lower—too low.

  “Danny, stop.” She pushed at his chest, trying to keep her voice light and playful.

  “You’re mine now,” he said breathlessly. “And I wan
t you.”

  I want you. The words reverberated in her head and made a warm trail to her heart. When was the last time someone had wanted her?

  Sure, Olivia and Nicholas wanted and needed her. But at five and three years old, that was to be expected.

  But want—really want her? She couldn’t remember a time in her life when anyone had valued her. She’d mostly just been a burden—to her overworked father after they’d emigrated from Germany, to her ailing mother before she’d died, and to her older sisters when they’d had no work and no place to live. Even during the past two years living in Boston and more recently in New York City, she’d always felt like a burden in the overcrowded and understaffed orphanages.

  Having someone finally want her was a new experience.

  She relaxed within Danny’s hold. Surely there was nothing wrong with letting him touch her more intimately tonight? After all, he’d made a public declaration that she was his girl and forbidden to anyone else.

  She shoved aside the guilt that slithered through the cracks of her closed conscience. She’d become an expert at locking guilt away into a closet at the back of her mind. Even so, Danny’s too-personal touch embarrassed her. With the harsh yellow light spilling out of the Green Dragon, the other gang members who’d gathered in the narrow alleyway behind the dance hall would be able to see Danny’s fondling.

  Just a short distance away, Anna was locked into the embrace of Mugs, and they were kissing passionately. There were other couples hiding in the shadows taking pleasure in one another. It was normal and natural here among this crowd, even expected.

  Better out in the dark than inside the saloon with its cigar-smoke-blackened walls, sticky floors, and broken chairs, with the scent of salted pigs’ knuckles making her gag. Even worse were the girls dancing on the stage, twirling and flipping up their skirts to reveal their silk petticoats, and more. She hadn’t wanted any of the other men to assume she was a dancing girl. Even though she’d sat on Danny’s lap while he drank and played cards, she’d gotten too many bawdy comments and looks.

  Danny’s breathing and kisses turned heavy.

  Sophie’s mind flashed with the image of Mollie and her infant and the other two women who lived in the tenement with their children. None of them were married. None of them had set out to be single mothers. And none of them had dreamed they’d become prostitutes. But that was what they were.

  “Danny, no.” Sophie wiggled against him.

  He didn’t relinquish his grip, but instead tightened his hold.

  She squirmed harder. “I told you I want to wait until I’m married.”

  “You’re just teasing me,” he growled in her ear.

  Irritation rose up to replace the tender feelings of belonging she’d had only moments ago. “I’ve always believed I’d save myself for marriage.”

  Even if her memories of her mother and father had begun to fade, their teachings were still deeply ingrained. And even if her faith had fled and gotten lost long ago, there was still a part of her that resisted giving up the search for it altogether.

  As if finally sensing the seriousness of her resistance, Danny stopped groping and swore under his breath. He pulled back slightly, slackening his hold, but he didn’t let go of her entirely.

  For a second she waited for him to say more, to get angry or perhaps to belittle her for her stand. He was, after all, a Bowery Boy—tough and dangerous and determined. As a leader, he had a reputation to uphold, and he was accustomed to getting what he wanted. She hadn’t known him long, and yet she’d already witnessed his violence when provoked.